If you are like me, this picture makes you uneasy even despite the cartoon esq form of the death poke device you see. Just kidding but I have what Harborview Medical calls “The most intense needle phobia they have ever seen” -2004. Since then I slowly tried to get over my fear but when do humans really need their blood drawn? Usually it’s never but on top of that, “they” claim to be sending rovers to Mars but we still haven’t figured out a less sneaky pokey way of getting your blood for related symptoms in healthcare. As of now you need to do blood work for most things medical and a needle seems to be here to stay for now. I have always been very afraid of needles, partly because my Father was but also my own developed fear of not wanting to be poked or inserted into like that. Like all fears they just fester when they go unattended or confronted. I had no choice but to go under the needle recently and what I have noticed is that if you can find someone you feel comfortable with it makes worlds of difference. I really just encourage you to explain your complete situation without any fear of embarrassment. For me I don’t like to hold my arms out straight, I hate thinking of the vein punctured and typing that makes me squirm and lose composure just thinking of it. So if your fear is as intense or close to mine, here are a couple things I have done. Once you really connect with someone they always can work with you and your fear because sometimes going under the needle means life or death so don’t ignore it please. For standard blood draws I had been going to the Indian Health Board in Seattle, WA to se Mary-Jane who I trust with everything needles but that doesn’t mean she will be there for surgeries. The technique she first used with me was sitting in a position in front of me in sort of a tandem approach and the best way she could access was with me behind her and my arm wrapped in front. Sort of like we were spooning without touching at all as I was slightly to her corner to reach my arm around. This blocked my vision of what was going on and enabled her to hold me still for a moment so I stopped flexing and relaxed. I told her to put the baby gloves on (meaning be nice) but also take control as needed, which is a balance. I stared at her eyes as she swabbed the area to clean, which is the indication it’s “go time” soon. As I started to freak out she calmed me by asking what I was going to do for the weekend which I explained but in a panic I just asked her if she had green eyes which she did. I told her around 2% of the worlds population have green eyes and they are cool because they change color. She says, oh well I did not know that in sort of way that sounded impressed but how you would tell a small child. Then she says “you’re all done” and I gasped for air from tensing up and hugged her immediately with relief. I told her she saved my life and I couldn’t remember the last time I ever let anyone near my arm with a needle like that. Even though it was all in my head we went on to future visits to be slightly more comfortable and I could sit in the chair like normal the next times which was a huge step for me. Flash forward I have been living with what’s called a Angiolipoma which is a rare fucking annoying little fatty tissue wrapped in nerves that sits under your skin in either the arm or in my case the lower back which apparently is more of a rare location. It’s benign and won’t kill you but feels like someone poking you with a thumb tac if anything touches it or anything comes in contact with it. Just imagine all the times your lower back could come into contact with something like that just siting down. 2021 I made the decision to rip this annoying painful button out of my lower back just above my crack to the left side. I looked online and apparently Angiolipoma is semi rare but even more rare to have in the location I had. In fact a 2017 study indicated that less than 200 cases confirmed having this annoyance in this location on the lower back. Maybe many people just don’t even know what they have. The first discovery of this was while working out about 12 years and laying on my back for the bench press was all it took to make me jump right out of my skin like a thumb tac was laying on the bench. Ouch. I met with Darlene Barr at the Swedish medical center to schedule a time for the following day to cut it out. Even not seeing the needle bothers the shit out of me but let me tell you, Dr Barr has skills! Even if I told you what she did you won’t feel her do it, and she wins. I laid down face down with my huggies slightly pulled down. I threw in earbuds and blasted Rage Against the Machine “Know your enemy” as if I was storming an enemy fortress fearless of all needles. I started to sweat like a mutherfucker as I bear hugged the medical chair/bed thing. I breathed heavy and flexed hard. I felt her clean the area aka “permission to launch!” but then something different happened next. She pinched the skin with her fingers and poked in between thus causing my senses to focus on the pinch! Genius! The thought of the needle not going into a vein and just merely numbing me from contact mixed with the pinching to confuse my sensations helped drastically. I squirmed a bit imaging the numbing formula working through but she returns for business after it takes effect. She touched in places that made me feel like she was verifying the area was numb and it was, but I sure as hell wouldn’t tell her if it wasn’t! Just get it over with was my thoughts and each touch just felt like someone petting your skin. My music moves onto a Marilyn Manson song on my playlist as I could only head bang in my scared little mind. I started to become unable to ignore the situation and prayed to god to please make it over and be gone. I shit you not, about 20-30 tops minutes later she taps me and says, “you are all done and good news, it’s not a Pilonidal cyst, it’s actually a Angiolipoma and they usually hurt like a son of a gun”. She offers to let me see this piece of fat that has bothered me well over a decade. I take a quick look at this little blob of fat and think, damn, we were stuck together for over a decade and now you are gone, I hate you but I want a picture to marvel in how something so small can bother a human. So again, you don’t have to attempt to trust every doctor but find one you do and you both can make magic together. This little fatty fuck was my only physical weakness, and now it’s gone. I owe this joy all to Doctor Barr so look her up if you are in Seattle, WA as she has other procedures she does. Anyone else out there with the same fear, you are not alone but just pop in some Rage Against the Machine and yell FREEEEEDOM!! (Rage voice) & (only in your head)