Don’t let the above picture fool you, this is a blog entry of semi mourning the death. My dead Facebook account that is! I have been to several funerals in my life and when I just typed that I thought of how sometimes people would wear T-Shirts to memorialize the fallen around the time someone passes away. So with that thought I just literally loud laughed out loud while thinking of me wearing a screen printed shirt that would read: FB in loving memory: Sunrise – 1/31/2008 and Sunset 9/5/2020. HAHA! Sorry, that’s just my humor. So that is to say this is meant to be a dramedy story or whatever they call it but also a true story from start to finish my Facebook journey has been. Also the reason I refuse to ever create a new Facebook after Facebook disabled my personal account this year without any reasoning sent to me. So let’s start off with why social media was created in the first place. Typically the idea was to connect one another in vast majorities to help speed up the process of communication and existence. I personally came from the era of internet forums and calling people on the phone before text messaging even existed. Which doesn’t make me a super old mutherfucker, just means I am a Xennial which I identify right in the middle between young and old souls. Facebook was supposedly the new and best way to connect with friends and family over the Internet while being able to post pictures of each other so it was like everyone was there in spirits. You could even make comments on those pictures to expand your social network whether introvert or extrovert could co-mingle. You could extend more connections of these said networks of humans and “tag” photos of each other creating an internet footprint. Those comments would bubble into larger networks to become friends in common. This was soon to be the future but not everyone knew it in the early 2000’s or at least I didn’t fully grasp it all till now. So back to the start of my Facebook comedian career. I was in this Subway in West Seattle around 2008 and I see this beautiful mixed with Egyptian ethnicity gal in line scoring herself a mighty foot long. I quickly overheard another onlooker of her beauty ask her ethnicity in which she responded so I knew right from the gate to move to a better question. Thus, in a foot race, it would have put my body 2 car lengths past the competition to get her phone number. (<HAHA) Long story short her and I exchange contact info including email as we both worked in the area there with access to the computer during work hours etc. After we exchanged emails she got herself a Facebook account which automatically sent emails to all her email contacts to join Facebook like she did. Genius Suckerberg! So naturally I ditch the myspace like a kid drops his toys and grabs a motorcycle type way. Back 10-12 years ago Facebook was basic person to person picture and light video connections. Occasional DM slides for the most OG, “dusts shoulder real vigorously”. Also 10-12 years ago there was no pop up ads that appeared in your FB “news brainwash” feed that could magically appear there just when you talked amongst your friends. Basically it never popped up advertisements for exactly what you just talked about out loud. Nope, this was early days shortly after you had those unmentionable Top 8’s and theme music for your page era entrance. This was when FB was used mainly to connect with people you knew personally. Although soon after a bear shits directly in the woods like a 2 second mud storm…Myself and others figured out it was better than any dating platform ever to be created. Because not only could you connect with the opposite sex like you already had their phone number from simply via FB friend = FB messenger…you could then, also see profile pictures, general location, who they hang out with, what places they frequent, videos of them, age, employment and of course the male favorite, friends in common. Basically you could be more informed of any given woman, than all of their stalker ex boyfriends combined into one mega toxic brain. (<JK HAHA kindof) Yes, my friends I never ever downloaded one dating app because I never needed to when Mark sneaked one into all of our electronics so silently that some people actually use it to communicate over standard texting. Crafty. Regardless, le (fancy voice)Facebook was like hunting with a fucking machine gun to locate women. One minute you are happy to connect with that old flame from high school on FB and the next thing you know you are flirting comments with a high class stripper (Bikini Barista) from the dirty south end. Who probably misses her Daddy a bunch. Or maybe sliding in the DM’s of some hot Microsoft freak who goes with you to family shit but undercover wants to soak her business attire in the juice of West Seattle. Keep in mind this “DM Slides” is a term which was coined by the millennials as sliding into someone’s direct message inbox. As mentioned before I myself identify as an “Xennial” which means I grew up playing outside and had pagers n shit as oppossed to how many likes get to the center of the EDM, pop! So yep, Xennial, google that shit. Anyway, so the FB thing soon became very quickly a place to meet anyone you wanted, conduct business, date strangers, cause fights on comments that equal fights in real life. Social media has calculated easier ways’ people can catch someone cheating on them. Or social media can be the way people conceal their cheating. Social will always be basically the cause of and solution to everyone’s problems. No hate on social medial at all, I gained best friends from it. I dated awesome chicks from it’s connection gateways. I have helped people who were in need which also went vise versa. I used it to communicate with my family on the Canadian Squamish Rez, fist up for my Native Americans! (said in Randy savage voice) When you have family or friends in other countries Facebook for sure made it much cheaper to stay constantly connected with everyone. One of the downfalls of having Suckerberg jack your Facebook away like this. Oh well Dun Dun (dramaedy quick drama part haha). Also I think writing this reminds me of feeling like a real OG participants to the Fake book era. Because when Facebook really seemed to be everyone was the ignition of smart phones. That’s when social media and apps really hit. Because anyone who was anyone had a Facebook app directly on their phone as soon as you unpackage it. We were no longer logging in at home or at a desktop like some “hot or not days” after scrolling the dirty.com with your AT&T Razor phone on the counter. Now on our phones we are constantly manually checking in, posting pictures, making comments, arguing with opposing opinions. This tool of communication was not only at our fingertips, but anywhere you go when your phone is on your person. Something most never left home without. In present time it wouldn’t even phase a senior citizen glance at both male and female humans sitting on their phone at any given moment. Just zombies manipulated into mental stimulation. Trust me I can zone out on my phone at times too. Just interesting to drive down the road and see human people at bus bus stops glued to their phones or even our acquaintances spotted visually scrolling during various times of the day. Someone could post their feelings on FB at any moment and even include pictures or other website links, GIFS, EMOJI’s or otherwise early days MEMES, in an effort to help promote their thoughts and theories. Another common weak point of the average Jane Doe, was always the mistake of the good ol’ fashioned cry for help FB-posts that are strategically masked by a side boob image or angled down selfie shoot conveniently in the gym or public bathroom. Facebook had has now evolved even further to the point where if you don’t have it, you are considered an outsider social media. You are closed off to view political jargon shared amongst friends, or relationship sob posts to soak comment threads in thirsty pillows. Facebook allows pictures of others to profess personal memories to store online, or cross into self fake or real status wars. because in the end, any publicity, is good publicity if image is the goal. Without facebook some actually are more productive without detouring in a distraction ruled by Zuckerberg. Looks like not having a FB can also close you off from drama. However just like crack probably is a terrible buddy to invite over and I’m sure very bad for you, plus costs money. It also might give some people a kick ass high. Hopefully people don’t go ending under interstate 5 with your social media iphone pipes. Instead let it be the last resort you scroll when you are waiting to die in the Dept of Licensing waiting line! Facebook and social media really is equivalent to that special someone who gives us all those toxic coasters. You know the ones where your real human Ex of yours has that ability to be shitty at certain things but stellar at a couple things. Both skill avenues tend to just fuck with your world ever so slightly ways. Facebook my friend, can do just that and even make you ashamed when you miss it. So as many might know, I was pretty fucking funny on my Facebook page. I have always had a fascination with anything technology, internet whatever shit and on my Facebook I would post cool cars, awesome motorcycle stunt videos, pretty women and groups of friends hangin out smiling yet also networking within a circle of real dudes in real life. Nothing negative or hateful on my Facebook page and for sure never any inappropriate nudity or weirdo shit on there. Just classic night outs with friends or pictures of legendary memories Never much profanity than what comes natural. Less swear words goes a long way to getting your point across and I consider myself silky smooth and pixelated but digitally enhanced radio worthy in my communication electronic deliveries(that said in robotic pimp voice). So basically as my Internet rep built on the Fake Book machine it’s usually meaning that all good things must come to an end. So after 12 loyal long and firmly hard years with Suckerberg’s blue and white internet canoe, they decided to disabled my FB account for no reason. Meaning, they did not send me any email or even a warning in my FB instant messenger. Many who don’t have Facebook accounts would think this situation is hilarious and doesn’t matter at all. Which I can see why they would say that about the matter. However, you non FB people who never had a Facebook account can’t ever tell the story of how they reconnected with a loved one via FB. Or got connected for a high paying job through a post they saw on FB. People who never had Facebook couldn’t talk about pictures they shared with someone who unfortunately died but all that’s left of their rich memory is to their Facebook pictures and videos. Maybe special internet data you two shared in real life, yet documented on the internet for safe keeping. Often people these days and comfortably tell stories of meeting their husband or wife by connecting through Facebook in some type of way. Others even talk of mutual friends becoming larger friend groups. Facebook participants can even share stories of organizing events and birthday parties via Facebook pages to help make memories more memorable. I distinctly remember getting prompted live music invites in my FB notifications based off recent venues I FB checked in at. Once Facebook grew up before all of us we it quickly switched into Facebook’s being the parent. Now we are like FB children categorized by name and city with website tag. Once our profile uploaded we are visible to be watched, monitored and judged by anyone within our Facebook friend lists. Now a days FB friend lists consist of friends and family and mixtures of our own peers and acquittances. Trust me, it’s fun to post and comment pictures all day and get the latest news in the world of anything at a moments notice. Yet we might have went too far this time. Like building the atomic bomb, it was a great idea but what if it explodes and kills millions of people yet they built it anyway right. I tend to believe that Xennials in some ways actually fostered the internet into where it’s at in our 30’s today. True respect to Zuckerberg on a real serious note. That dude took an idea, made it better, then became a Billionaire. Can’t really hate on that. We gotta pay attention is all I’m saying. It was bad enough realizing our cell phones were becoming mobile audio/video tracking devices that we carry with us at all times yet we can find these said cell phone devices by GPS at any moment. After that conquest was completed Facebook made it possible to have large majorities of personal data to use any way they see fit. Even if that data had the power to sway opinions or views. The only purpose to mess with human minds like that is for psychological warfare. Maybe not that extreme HAHA! but you get the idea. Totally influencing people in subtle ways based off social media apps. This isn’t a conspiracy theory blog post or some attempt to prove aliens exist and the government is creating Wizards riding unicorns crap. No this blog post is just saying I can’t really tell you if Facebook honestly helped or hurt me in my life. If you have to question anything like that you probably don’t need it at all. Because in some ways it’s nice to glorify our lives on the interwebs. Although in other ways just being a local Legend off the grid in your own neighborhood primarily from word of mouth or reputation is hella filthy where I come from. West Seattle that is!! (said with my chest protruded wayyy out!) But seriously I won’t be making any real attempts to get my FB back. I sent the typical confirm your identity and google searched all the possible variables of why my account was disabled or deleted and basically I noticed how bat shit crazy we humans were. The deeper I searched for answers the deeper I noticed the dependency we all had to it. I started to remember an odd memory of a recent vacation that felt relevant to losing social media briefly. I was out in London and having real shitty cell service in most of the areas for whatever reason. I was having lots of fun despite that disconnection. I was just cruising around the city on a rented Jump Bike breezing through UK peeps. I just pegged that jump bike peddle to 100 thru the city and let the G Perico music blast my apple ear holes! I felt like I was in another word escaped from the internet world and free to meet whoever I want and be whoever I said I was without any social media additives to the equation. The bigger picture can be comical yet redundant and we don’t even see it! Like Zombie lemmings following each other off a cliff only to get a slow death. New technology can change relationships pathways with something as simple as the [Like] button. One minute the like button created a DM slide you wanted and next minute your girlfriend or millennial situation-ship, entanglement pal/friend thing is dumping you publicly for your mutual FB friend Tony who has all the great gym selfies. <HAHA, that shit is funny out loud. So in summary, after experiencing how much Facebook could help or hurt you was part of the mystery that kept you logging in each day. Welp, there is always Instagram and Snap Chat! HAHA! SuckerBerg!